So since I find myself writing page after page in microsoft word when I am upset, or when I am trying to organize my thoughts I figured I might as well start a blog. Maybe the feedback will give me some direction or inspire me.
This being my first post, I envision it as something grand...but I know it won't be. :( Writing a blog is something that takes practice, and you have to have an interesting life or mind in order to write interesting things. I see myself as ordinary, but maybe my life is extraordinary to you. Only time will tell.
This year brought lots of personal changes for me. My husband left for 3 months and went to work half way across the country. During that time I did some soul searching. While I do love my current life, it leaves much to be desired. My dreams and aspirations were always much larger than the average person. I was raised to dream big, go big, and do everything over the top...or don't even bother. Everything my mom did was an extravaganza. My birthday parites were always events, holidays were and still are huge ordeals that take lots of planning and decorating, our dance recitals were showcases that raised money for causes, and my dreams that were larger than life and one in a million shots were encouraged.
So lets go back a bit...
When I was 3 I had an imaginary best friend named Sarah. She was from California. In reality, I was a 3 year old who lived in Flat Rock, AR in a small shabby log cabin by a lake. My parents were poor, my dad was a truck driver who hauled alf-alfa hay around the surrounding states and my mom was a dance teacher. We didn't have a lot. I had never been to California and at that point I wasn't thinking of becoming famous. I just knew that I loved to dance and everyone thought I was cute as a button. Since then I have always been convinced that I was moving to California as soon as I was old enough. As I aged, I dreamed of becoming a professional dancer. In 1998 Britney Spears burst onto the scene. She was and still is my idol. She was from a small town called Kentwood, LA. She was a dancer, her parents were poor, and she had big dreams. The way I saw it, she and I were the same. The difference? She was not shy and had parents who would drive her across the country to audition and do whatever it took. I was super shy, and my mom didn't know alot about what you had to do to chase that dream. I had decided that when I turned 18 I would move to Los Angeles. What happened when I finally reached the age of 18 you ask? Well, I didn't move to LA...I moved to London! London, Arkansas that is. I had a boyfriend who I was in love with. I moved in with him to get out of the hellacious situation that was my home life. Needless to say, life got off track for me. Two years later at the age of 19 I attended an open model call in Little Rock at an agency called EXCEL. I had typed up my resume, dressed all cute, and towed my mom along with me for support. While I wasn't what they were looking for for that particular audition, they were interested in me. I took classes and went on to sign with the agency. I did several modeling jobs, a couple of promotional modeling jobs, and I was an extra on the movie Come Early Morning starring Ashley Judd. It was an awesome experience! I truly enjoyed every second of it. It was a 10 hour work day and I got paid $65. So, it wasn't something I was going to make a living out of in my location. LOL I didn't have the money to continue on with what I was doing, and I was just kind of lost in life. So I quit for a few years and did basically nothing while I tried to figure out who I was and what I wanted to be when I grew up...which was fast approaching.
So back to this summer. I still don't know what I want to be when I "grow up" and I am still unsure of who I really am. I know I am a daughter (an only child at that), a wife to my high school (or jr. high rather) sweetheart, a mother to a wonderful 3 year old, and a dance teacher to all my students....but really what does that say about me...that says I am something to a lot of people, but nothing about who I am to myself. Truth is I didn't know who I was or who I wanted to be. I am a Senior in college, I should graduate in the next six months with my B.A. in Psychology. I am just trying to finish something that I started, I have no intentions of going any farther with my schooling. I love psychology, but not enough to make a career out of it. So this summer, while I was alone, I just tried to figure out who I was. I distanced myself from everyone except my son, and I got back in touch with my friends. I was tired of my mother, or husband, or job, or whatever deciding who I was and telling me what to do.
Here is what it comes down to...
No matter what I try in life, no matter where I go, I always end up right back where I started...which is...
I want to be an actress.
I have trained, I am knowledgeable, I never get bored with it. I am intrigued, prepared, and interested. It is the one constant in my life that has never changed. I love to have a stable life, but I love the changing scenery. Acting is a perfect job for me. It is something that will always change, and allow me to make enough money to live....and potentially enough money to be able to take time off when wanted. It will allow me to do what I love. It will allow me to meet people with the same interests. It will allow me to be happy and satisfied in life.
My main goal in life....satisfaction.
So what did I do about it? I debated over if I should go interview with an agency, I knew if I went back to my old agency I would have to take lots of expensive classes, so I decided I would wait until I was more "sure" about this path. I started researching, I found open calls and attended them. I started networking on facebook and twitter, meeting agency owners, actors, directors, writers, casting directors, etc. I connected with all of them to open up any and all opportunities to myself. I met a few select people who were making movies in my area and talked to them about working on the film...and I got lucky! I was an extra on a film called Madison County, and I had my first speaking role in a film called Happy Hour. I was a fun way to get back in the swing of things. My resume had lots on it, but it was all very old, so I knew that I needed to update my experience before I went to try and get representation. I also was lucky enough that a casting agency in Shreveport, LA was willing to let me work on films even though I lived out of state. There are lots of big films going on in Louisianna now days, so I was excited to get in on that. They put up a call for extras on a film called Shark Night 3D. I was chosen to work on it for two days. Unfortunately, the day before my call, they had something happen and had to cancel 60% of the talent....and I was one of those :(. Guess that one just wasn't meant to be. It didn't kill my confidence though. I went and interviewed with EXCEL, and decided that I would enroll in an acting class. I was lucky enough to get offered a schlorship, so that helped with the price of the class. At the end of the summer, EXCEL was looking for interns, it looked like me in a nutshell when I read the requirements and I had always thought it would be an awesome place to work. I applied, even though it was past the deadline. I knew I was more than qualified, and just hoped that maybe I would get lucky...and I did! Once again, since I started chasing my true dream, things just fell into place. Mrs. Melissa (the owner) got in touch with me and wanted me to be an intern. She actually wanted me to help her with marketing, which was way better than the original internship. I knew that this would open doors and give me a chance to experience things so that I may figure out my true path in life.
Fast Forward....
In November I attended two acting camps. One was with a casting director from Los Angeles and the other was Beginning Acting at EXCEL. I loved them both and wish it could be an every day event for me. Since then, I had my personal evaluation with Mrs. Melissa, and we talked about my future. I feel very lucky to have her guide me in this field. She is special person and I trust her. She offered to train me in exchange for me helping her out....and it was the perfect deal for me! I am poor, so paying for classes and such is hard. This was a big help and I think the future is bright. I can't wait to see what will come in this next year. Hopefully it will be big things. :D
So I think that is more than enough for my first post. Hopefully it did not put you to sleep. Let me know what you think!
~Jess
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